I'm BACK!!!
I'm back!
The past week has been a flurry of events on an unrelenting rollercoaster ride that has left me breathless, bruised and broken (physically, emotionally, mentally and even spiritually). If not for the small amount of sanity that I hold on dearly to, I might not have survived the week that was.
It's been awhile since Holy Week actually made a dent in my life. This year, unlike others, it came and went leaving me with a lot of room for doubt in my heart. I can't even begin to explain or relate the events that came to pass but at the very least, they have passed (or I'd like to think so...)
A lot of questions were posed to me and by me this past week, many of which I feel remain unanswered not because I'm not fully aware of the answers but maybe because I am scared to. No, this isn't a pre-quarter life crisis rant. At 24, I know that I've been through so much more than the average 40 year-old. I was trained (maybe not purposely) to be strong and to remain strong at all times. I'm no ice queen, but I can keep my emotions in check with a poker face to match. My friends always say that "You're a tough girl... You can handle anything... You're the strongest person I know...".. I'm so tired... I just want to crash... I don't want to be strong all the time but I'm so scared that no one will be there to catch me when I fall and that I'll break into unmendable pieces. This week, I've proven yet again just how strong I can be.. but at what expense?! I feel like I've lost a lot, too much really...I'm just so tired of fighting--fighting to stay alive, fighting to stay afloat. I just want to lay back and have someone hold me up.
These past three days have been the most trying for me, punctuated with trips to the hospital thanks to an undefinable pain in my side. True-to-form, aside from Easter Sunday Mass, I avoided going to church though I felt an urge to. Mainly because I would only be propelled to point an accusing finger and ask "WHY?!!" As always, He catches me off-guard and gives me a little something to hold on to. Things might actually start looking-up for me.
Chichi, Hinny, Fifi and Jam.. THANK YOU! Trust that "pang matagalan ito!"
The past week has been a flurry of events on an unrelenting rollercoaster ride that has left me breathless, bruised and broken (physically, emotionally, mentally and even spiritually). If not for the small amount of sanity that I hold on dearly to, I might not have survived the week that was.
It's been awhile since Holy Week actually made a dent in my life. This year, unlike others, it came and went leaving me with a lot of room for doubt in my heart. I can't even begin to explain or relate the events that came to pass but at the very least, they have passed (or I'd like to think so...)
A lot of questions were posed to me and by me this past week, many of which I feel remain unanswered not because I'm not fully aware of the answers but maybe because I am scared to. No, this isn't a pre-quarter life crisis rant. At 24, I know that I've been through so much more than the average 40 year-old. I was trained (maybe not purposely) to be strong and to remain strong at all times. I'm no ice queen, but I can keep my emotions in check with a poker face to match. My friends always say that "You're a tough girl... You can handle anything... You're the strongest person I know...".. I'm so tired... I just want to crash... I don't want to be strong all the time but I'm so scared that no one will be there to catch me when I fall and that I'll break into unmendable pieces. This week, I've proven yet again just how strong I can be.. but at what expense?! I feel like I've lost a lot, too much really...I'm just so tired of fighting--fighting to stay alive, fighting to stay afloat. I just want to lay back and have someone hold me up.
These past three days have been the most trying for me, punctuated with trips to the hospital thanks to an undefinable pain in my side. True-to-form, aside from Easter Sunday Mass, I avoided going to church though I felt an urge to. Mainly because I would only be propelled to point an accusing finger and ask "WHY?!!" As always, He catches me off-guard and gives me a little something to hold on to. Things might actually start looking-up for me.
*** *** ***
(A very belated) Happy Birthday to YOU! How I wish I could've made your day the most "perfect" day of your life... I just hope I'll get another shot at it next year and many years after.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER and FOR ALWAYS... You hold my heart in your hands, please don't ever let go...
Chichi, Hinny, Fifi and Jam.. THANK YOU! Trust that "pang matagalan ito!"
posted by .:: v ::. at
5:30 PM
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