When the World Stops and Starts

"The first time I saw you, my heart fell. The second time I saw you, my heart fell. The third time fourth time fifth time and every time since, my heart has fallen.
I stared at her.
You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Your hair, your eyes, your lips, your body that you haven't grown into, the way you walk, smile, laugh, the way your cheeks drop when you're mad or upset, the way you drag your feet when you're tired. Every single thing about you is beautiful.
I stared at her.
When I see you, the World stops. It stops and all that exists for me is you and my eyes staring at you. There's nothing else. No noise, no other people, no thoughts or worries, no yesterday, no tomorrow. The World just stops, and its a beautiful place, and there is only you. Just you, and my eyes staring at you.
I stared.
When you're gone, the World starts again, and I don't like it as much. I can live in it, but I don't like it. I jsut walk around in it and wait to see you again and wait for it to stop again. I love it when it stops. It's the best fucking thing I've ever known or ever felt, the best thing, and that, beautiful Girl, is why I stare at you."

-James Frey
A Million Little Pieces

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It's somewhat unhealthy how I end up with a plastic bag of books whenever I visit Fully Booked or Powerbooks these past couple of months considering the pile of unread books that already sits on my bedside table although I've made some pretty good and interesting/entertaining buys. The latest being A Million Little Pieces by james Frey. It's a memoir or an autobiography of a 23-year old addict/alcoholic. i haven't gotten to the end of it but it's been a good read so far. The last Oprah Book Club book that I bought was White Oleander and I'm happy that this pick doesn't disappoint.

My heart stopped as I read these lines. Most people might find these lines cheesey but I suppose at this point in my life, at this very moment, I would honestly kill for someone to say this to me and actually mean it. Work is again taking it's toll on me and the lack of a social life is making me somewhat lonely. I want to be loved this way. I want to be able to stop someone dead in his tracks, as if mesmerized by something that he--and maybe only he--sees in me. In the same light, I want to feel this way for somebody whose presence is so compelling that it stuns me into silence. I dunno..My hormones are obviously imbalanced again.

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Thank YOU for making me smile and for being such a sweetheart. YOU keep me entertained, especially during the crazy hours when I'm at a shoot. I love how YOU make me laugh with the little things that YOU say or do or how you pull me close and how you seem to want to keep me even closer to you. Sometimes I'm bothered by how things between us are untitled or how they don't exactly fall into a certain category but on the other hand, I'm starting to take comfort in the limbo that we are in. I'm not ready for another commitment and I'm glad that I don't have any decisions to make. We fit--maybe not perfectly but enough to enjoy each other's company. Right now, that's all I really need and want...

By the way, YOU owe me...and I plan on collecting soon (when I'm not too busy..promise!).. :)