Big Brother House

In a few hours I will be entering my very own Bahay ni Kuya (Jess). I still can't believe that they actually elected me to stand as Vice-rector for this special batch. I may just be putting too much weight on this "role" or I'm probably just deluding myself into thinking that this "title" bears a lot of responsibility.

The bottomline is.. I'm scared.. Sh*tless really. I don't think I deserve to be in His house (among other things I feel I don't deserve), much less tend to His "flock". Kel and Mhadz have been great. They haven't given me too many things to do so I can't help but feel somewhat worthless. I doubt I've been of much help to them but they wouldn't let me beg off either. Ugh! I just hope that things work out the way they're supposed to and all the things that we need will be covered somehow.

What scares me most I think is the fact that I haven't spoken to Him in awhile. I'd say "Hi.." sometimes but I've been nowhere as near as I will be when Days starts. He obviously knows that I need Him now more than ever. I pray that I come out of the house on Sunday with some semblance of clarity, with a real purpose, with a more definite direction, with a decision/ an honest choice and with the strength to (re-) live my fourth day the way I should've been living it. Good luck nalang talaga!