Jumpstart

I'm very gingerly feeling my way through this post because I have yet to organize my thoughts, compartmentalize them, somewhat analyze the recent events and then I have to breathe! I need sleep, real rest, oxygen and more importantly, I need to sober up-- I'm not sure I have anything other alcohol running through my veins. WTF am I doing with my life??!! Seriously!!!

I feel so lost and somewhat confused. It's so hard to be placed in a position where decisions have to be made--not necessarily personal ones but you just know that either way the wind blows, there are repercussions that will greatly affect your life. Some in a good way, others in a maybe not-so-good way but you have to sit through the ride anyway. I'm just so goddamn tired of roller coasters! Why am I never placed on that placid swan ride where you pedal across the lake at your own pace? I'm sick of having my insides tied-up in knots, ready to burst out in the open.. Where's the love?!! Ugh!!

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Chay-R shared with me one of her fave movies of all time-- the Freddie Prinze and Claire Forlani starrer Boys and Girls. I doubt this ever joined the ranks of cult films like Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You, etc.. but I suppose it's hard-hitting enough to jolt me back into writing. Weird. Really.

Some of the more memorable quotes from the film:

Jennifer: Everybody's been in love but how come we don't know that it's true love 'till it's over? Maybe there's no one or two or three or four or even five. Maybe there is no such thing as true love. And we just keep on dressing up, we keep pretending to be something that we're not. We lose ourselves in something that we hope is better than what we think we are. What if the something that we're looking for just doesn't exist?

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Ryan: Look, that night was as much a surprise to me as it was to you. But being with you was like going to a place that I had never been before. And after you fell asleep I just laid there, staring up at those cheap fluorescent stars you have stuck on your ceiling, and - after awhile they just started forming a pattern, this weird glow-in-the-dark pattern that linked together our entire relationship. And for the first time everything seemed clear to me - like one logical progression. It felt like you and I were the greatest plan ever made and I had nothing to do with it. Being with you made me feel that maybe I didn't have to keep planning anymore because it felt like I was actually living. And that for once in my life I wouldn't have to work so hard at being happy. That it just could happen. Nothing will ever hurt me as much as your reaction to that same experience.

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I also managed to watch the movie Serendipity again. That is one GOOD movie. SOLID hard-hitting material with a kick-ass soundtrack. I believe that in this lifetime, we'll only get to experience maybe 1 or 2 of these fortunate incidents, if at all. More often than not, these incidents catch you completely off-guard and cause you to rethink everything that you thought you believed in. It challenges your EQ and your ability to deal with the unexpected. I'm overwhelmed and amazed by these "serendipitous" moments. I even managed to surprise myself... I feel different, like I'm learning yet another facet of my psyche that I wasn't aware of. Cool but scary at the same time. I should have my screws tightened lest I do something stupid.. (again).

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I'm pretty sure I posted this already before, but what the hell??!! This is my safe haven and my dumping ground for all the emo-stress I'm carrying...

Northern Sky
Nick Drake

I never felt magic crazy as this
I never saw moons knew the meaning of the sea
I never held emotion in the palm of my hand
Or felt sweet breezes in the top of a tree
But now you're here
Brighten my northern sky.

I've been a long time that I'm waiting
Been a long that I'm blown
I've been a long time that I've wandered
Through the people I have known
Oh, if you would and you could
Straighten my new mind's eye.
Would you love me for my money
Would you love me for my head
Would you love me through the winter
Would you love me 'til I'm dead
Oh, if you would and you could
Come blow your horn on high.

I never felt magic crazy as this
I never saw moons knew the meaning of the sea
I never held emotion in the palm of my hand
Or felt sweet breezes in the top of a tree
But now you're here
Brighten my northern sky.