Baaaah!

MEN!!!
(Correction: Little Boys!@?%**!!)

IRREPLACEABLE
Beyonce

To the left
To the left

Everything you own in the box to the left
In the closet that's my stuff - Yes
If I bought it nigga please don't touch
And keep talking that mess, that's fine
But could you walk and talk at the same time
And It's my name that is on that Jag
So remove your bags let me call you a cab

Standing in the front yard telling me
How I'm such a fool - Talking about
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact he'll be here in a minute - baby

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

So go ahead and get gone
And  call up on that chick and see if she's home
Oops, I bet ya thought that I didn't know
What did you think I was putting you out for?
Cause you was untrue
Rolling her around in the car that I bought you
Baby you dropped them keys hurry up before your taxi leaves

So since I’m not your everything
How about I'll be nothing
Nothing at all to you
Baby I wont shed a tear for you
I won't lose a wink of sleep
Cause the truth of the matter is
Replacing you is so easy

*** *** ***

From an emo fuckwit, I am now a certified zombie. I am going through the motions of my daily existence but I am neither feeling nor experiencing any of it. I'm sick--but I don't have a remedy. I go through each day either passively taking in whatever it is that Life has decided to throw my way or absolutely seething with anger. I am close to a recluse. I seek comfort under the sheets, behind a good book or watching my fave series on DVD. I still get some semblance of joy from shopping but I don't feel the same rush of excitement that I used to. Everything I know has changed and people continue to let me down--especially when I need them the most and most especially after I pour my heart and soul to them. It's stupid to place any emotional attachment on anybody because 9 out of 10 times, that person will not come through for you.

Things here at the Pancitan (Yes, I will be calling my workplace as such because people have somewhat grown accustomed to coming to us with an 'I-want-a-giant-bilao-of-instant-pancit-NOW-NA!' attitude. Annoying sometimes really!) have taken its toll on me. Each morning is greeted with an immense feeling of dread. I used to look forward to each workday because it used to provide a safe haven for me/ an escape of sorts but that's not quite how things are now. Nakakapagod na talaga ang politika dito. Ba't di nalang kasi lumugar ang mga tao? Isa lang ang Bossing dito AT hindi kayo yun kaya kung pwede lang, magsi-tigil na kayo!!! Lahat kayo magagaling. Lahat kayo perpektong tao! MoFos really! Gaaaad!

As the year ends, I have some really big decisions to make. It's scary and I've been trying to out them aside but I know I can't keep running for long. Weekends are tough because that's when I feel the pressure the most. Only a few weeks till 2007. I hope the anxiety and stress kills me before the fireworks go off. I don't have the strength to do it myself.