Merry Friggin' Xmas
And so that was Christmas...
It came and went without me really feeling the holiday "spirit", especially when it was capped off with unpleasantries from people in the Pancitan. MoFo! Parang hindi nag-Pasko! I thank YOU profusely for ruining my already rotten holiday season. Thank YOU for rendering me useless and in tears on my bathroom floor while YOU were probably relishing in your miniscule "triumph". Maraming Salamat!
I feel so drained. I keep wishing for the year to end and for a new 'life' to begin. It's only a few days till' 2007 comes and I just can't wait. At the same time, I can't help but feel scared because I don't know what to expect. I don't know what the coming year has in store for me--even if I already have the first two months mapped-out in terms of work. I swear, if it's anything like 2006, please let the earth open up and swallow me whole now.
*** *** ***
Life is lonely when you're harboring a lot of anger and hatred. I'm trying to come to terms with the ghosts of my past but like my TagTeam partner Hatsummomo said, these ghosts are territotial and it looks as if they're here to stay. (While we share some very odd parallelisms in our crazy lives, I worry about you still because you always manage to top me a thousandfold. Di ko kaya ganyang levels, Mars! Takot ako! It's hard and there are a lot of forces around you that probably make it even harder, but hang in there. I need you. We all do. Moreover, we want you to stick around.. for a long time. Trade me "happy pills" pleeeaaase!)
In both of our cases, what people sometimes fail to see is that this breakdown is 26 years (27 in hers) in the making and it's long-overdue. I cannot simply get out of it in a just snap--very much unlike how I fell into it. It's harder even with people negating what I'm feeling. How is that even remotely possible?! How can someone else appear to know what I'm feeling more than me?!
When did I turn into a whiny-self-loathing-biatch?! I'm doing a Meredith--> I'm dark and twisty all over. (Have you seen my childhood?!) I have baggage from all corners of the universe and I luckily chance upon people who have more baggage than me and who are far more damaged than I am. What a happy camp I'm building here! No wonder my heart is black and blue all over..Whoopeee! Somebody light the fireworks already!
*** *** ***
I'm trying to embed this is into my muddled-head.
"At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need."
- Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy
LOVE WILL COME TO YOU
Indigo Girls
Guess I wasnt the best one to ask
Me, myself with my face pressed
Up against love's glass
To see the shiny toy I've been hoping for
The one I never can afford
The wide world spins and spits turmoil
And the nations toil for peace
But the paws of fear upon your chest
Only love can soothe that beast
And my words are paper tigers
No match for the predators of pain inside her
I say love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they're true
As if I offered up a crystal ball to look through
Where there's now one, there will be two
I was born under the sign of cancer
(Love will come to you)
Like brushing cloth I smooth the wrinkles for an answer
(Love will come)
I'm always closing my eyes and wishing Im fine
(I close my eyes and wish you fine)
Even though I know I'm not this time
(Even though I know you're not this time)
Dodging your memories a field of knives
Always on the outside looking in on other's lives
And I wish her insight to battle love's blindness
Strength from the milk of human kindness
A safe place for all the pieces that scattered
Learn to pretend there's more than love that matters
It came and went without me really feeling the holiday "spirit", especially when it was capped off with unpleasantries from people in the Pancitan. MoFo! Parang hindi nag-Pasko! I thank YOU profusely for ruining my already rotten holiday season. Thank YOU for rendering me useless and in tears on my bathroom floor while YOU were probably relishing in your miniscule "triumph". Maraming Salamat!
I feel so drained. I keep wishing for the year to end and for a new 'life' to begin. It's only a few days till' 2007 comes and I just can't wait. At the same time, I can't help but feel scared because I don't know what to expect. I don't know what the coming year has in store for me--even if I already have the first two months mapped-out in terms of work. I swear, if it's anything like 2006, please let the earth open up and swallow me whole now.
*** *** ***
Life is lonely when you're harboring a lot of anger and hatred. I'm trying to come to terms with the ghosts of my past but like my TagTeam partner Hatsummomo said, these ghosts are territotial and it looks as if they're here to stay. (While we share some very odd parallelisms in our crazy lives, I worry about you still because you always manage to top me a thousandfold. Di ko kaya ganyang levels, Mars! Takot ako! It's hard and there are a lot of forces around you that probably make it even harder, but hang in there. I need you. We all do. Moreover, we want you to stick around.. for a long time. Trade me "happy pills" pleeeaaase!)
In both of our cases, what people sometimes fail to see is that this breakdown is 26 years (27 in hers) in the making and it's long-overdue. I cannot simply get out of it in a just snap--very much unlike how I fell into it. It's harder even with people negating what I'm feeling. How is that even remotely possible?! How can someone else appear to know what I'm feeling more than me?!
When did I turn into a whiny-self-loathing-biatch?! I'm doing a Meredith--> I'm dark and twisty all over. (Have you seen my childhood?!) I have baggage from all corners of the universe and I luckily chance upon people who have more baggage than me and who are far more damaged than I am. What a happy camp I'm building here! No wonder my heart is black and blue all over..Whoopeee! Somebody light the fireworks already!
*** *** ***
I'm trying to embed this is into my muddled-head.
"At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need."
- Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy
LOVE WILL COME TO YOU
Indigo Girls
Guess I wasnt the best one to ask
Me, myself with my face pressed
Up against love's glass
To see the shiny toy I've been hoping for
The one I never can afford
The wide world spins and spits turmoil
And the nations toil for peace
But the paws of fear upon your chest
Only love can soothe that beast
And my words are paper tigers
No match for the predators of pain inside her
I say love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they're true
As if I offered up a crystal ball to look through
Where there's now one, there will be two
I was born under the sign of cancer
(Love will come to you)
Like brushing cloth I smooth the wrinkles for an answer
(Love will come)
I'm always closing my eyes and wishing Im fine
(I close my eyes and wish you fine)
Even though I know I'm not this time
(Even though I know you're not this time)
Dodging your memories a field of knives
Always on the outside looking in on other's lives
And I wish her insight to battle love's blindness
Strength from the milk of human kindness
A safe place for all the pieces that scattered
Learn to pretend there's more than love that matters
posted by .:: v ::. at
10:16 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home