What Am I Supposed To Do Now??!

I think that maybe I still don't know what to do and where to go from here... I'm winging things and "following the motion of the ocean". That's not exactly a bad thing. There's some good in feeling your way through things so bumps and bruises don't come too unexpectedly..

Tell Me What We're Gonna Do Now
Joss Stone

You don't have to make your mind up
I just wanna take my time with you
If that's alright
It's alright, it's alright
Oh forgive me if I get to shy but
Maybe you're the reason why
I'm feelin' butterflies
I feel it too
Somethin' bout the look in your eyes
Oooh it just makes me feel so right

Well you're my boy
You're my joy
You're my dream
I'm for you
I adore your everything that I need
I love how you love me
If I'm made for you
You're made for me
It's too good to be
So tell me what we're gonna do now

Funny how my world keeps spinnin'
Sometimes you can be so silly
You know just how to make me laugh
You're skin is so lovely
When you touch me
I know that you got my back
Sure do, yes I do
I feel so safe when you hold me
It's like you know me

Oh right now
See baby I love how you make me smile
Don't leave
Please stay awhile
Let's make this happen
I don't care how

Right now lets stay in the present
Can't worry bout tomorrow cause today is a blessin'
The world in a state of aggression
I find calm in you
I see my mom in you
It's like a feelin' in ya stomach
When you want it so bad
If you keep keepin' it fresh
It ain't gonna go bad
I been through the valley of love
Rolled the shores of cali
Just to find peace of mind
Lookin' to the sky
Askin' for at least a sign
Beautiful you came at such a decent time
When we combine
It's like good food and wine
Flavorful yet refined
You remind me of the divine
So easy
Love can be lost and then found, like Stevie
I just love havin' you around
You wearin' a gown
I'm wearin' a crown
Pound for pound
We the freshest couple in town

POTPOT POTPOT

I never would've thunk that Raoul actually had IT right at that time... And so here I am.. I might actually be equipped for happiness after all.. :9

Jumpstart

I'm very gingerly feeling my way through this post because I have yet to organize my thoughts, compartmentalize them, somewhat analyze the recent events and then I have to breathe! I need sleep, real rest, oxygen and more importantly, I need to sober up-- I'm not sure I have anything other alcohol running through my veins. WTF am I doing with my life??!! Seriously!!!

I feel so lost and somewhat confused. It's so hard to be placed in a position where decisions have to be made--not necessarily personal ones but you just know that either way the wind blows, there are repercussions that will greatly affect your life. Some in a good way, others in a maybe not-so-good way but you have to sit through the ride anyway. I'm just so goddamn tired of roller coasters! Why am I never placed on that placid swan ride where you pedal across the lake at your own pace? I'm sick of having my insides tied-up in knots, ready to burst out in the open.. Where's the love?!! Ugh!!

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Chay-R shared with me one of her fave movies of all time-- the Freddie Prinze and Claire Forlani starrer Boys and Girls. I doubt this ever joined the ranks of cult films like Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You, etc.. but I suppose it's hard-hitting enough to jolt me back into writing. Weird. Really.

Some of the more memorable quotes from the film:

Jennifer: Everybody's been in love but how come we don't know that it's true love 'till it's over? Maybe there's no one or two or three or four or even five. Maybe there is no such thing as true love. And we just keep on dressing up, we keep pretending to be something that we're not. We lose ourselves in something that we hope is better than what we think we are. What if the something that we're looking for just doesn't exist?

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Ryan: Look, that night was as much a surprise to me as it was to you. But being with you was like going to a place that I had never been before. And after you fell asleep I just laid there, staring up at those cheap fluorescent stars you have stuck on your ceiling, and - after awhile they just started forming a pattern, this weird glow-in-the-dark pattern that linked together our entire relationship. And for the first time everything seemed clear to me - like one logical progression. It felt like you and I were the greatest plan ever made and I had nothing to do with it. Being with you made me feel that maybe I didn't have to keep planning anymore because it felt like I was actually living. And that for once in my life I wouldn't have to work so hard at being happy. That it just could happen. Nothing will ever hurt me as much as your reaction to that same experience.

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I also managed to watch the movie Serendipity again. That is one GOOD movie. SOLID hard-hitting material with a kick-ass soundtrack. I believe that in this lifetime, we'll only get to experience maybe 1 or 2 of these fortunate incidents, if at all. More often than not, these incidents catch you completely off-guard and cause you to rethink everything that you thought you believed in. It challenges your EQ and your ability to deal with the unexpected. I'm overwhelmed and amazed by these "serendipitous" moments. I even managed to surprise myself... I feel different, like I'm learning yet another facet of my psyche that I wasn't aware of. Cool but scary at the same time. I should have my screws tightened lest I do something stupid.. (again).

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I'm pretty sure I posted this already before, but what the hell??!! This is my safe haven and my dumping ground for all the emo-stress I'm carrying...

Northern Sky
Nick Drake

I never felt magic crazy as this
I never saw moons knew the meaning of the sea
I never held emotion in the palm of my hand
Or felt sweet breezes in the top of a tree
But now you're here
Brighten my northern sky.

I've been a long time that I'm waiting
Been a long that I'm blown
I've been a long time that I've wandered
Through the people I have known
Oh, if you would and you could
Straighten my new mind's eye.
Would you love me for my money
Would you love me for my head
Would you love me through the winter
Would you love me 'til I'm dead
Oh, if you would and you could
Come blow your horn on high.

I never felt magic crazy as this
I never saw moons knew the meaning of the sea
I never held emotion in the palm of my hand
Or felt sweet breezes in the top of a tree
But now you're here
Brighten my northern sky.

Stumped!!!

I haven't blogged in such a loooong time. I feel that I have somehow lost the ability to organize my messy thoughts into a seemingly organized post.. I just find it so weird and mildly disturbing that I can't freakin' write when this has always been one of my best outlets.. especially now when there are so many things going on. It's so frustrating! Ugh!

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When all else fails, I post a 'theme song'.. not mine necessarily but just a 'theme song'.. :p

BAD HABIT
Destiny's Child

How many times
Are you gonna apologize about the same thing
And how many times can I take you back
When I'm not the one that's doin' wrong
(When I'm not the one that's doin' wrong, yeah)
I thought maybe if I started prayin'
That we would get better, but
When I would pray the answer would always come back to me bein' done
But we are so hard headed when we're in love
So I

I told myself that I would make some changes
But the more I change there's one thing that remains the same
I can't seem to shake ya
You seem to really have a hold on me
And everytime that we break up
We turn around and make up
This can't go on now
I gotta move on now
It's not the fact that I don't love you no more
But I gotta break this bad habit
Can't take his bad habit no more

I'm totally out of my element
Learnin' new ways to live, while your in a comfort zone
Not even thinkin, (you couldn't think about me) to call
And then when I get mad you buy me gifts
Thinkin' it's gonna solve every issue
From the girl callin my phone, to the pictures that I saw
And every time you would break up with me for nothing at all
I've takin all I could take (I've takin all I could take)
But the way I live has gotta change, oh

Let me break it down
Have you ever loved somebody
So much that you was just to blind to see
Past, all of the pain they was causin' you
Ladies do you feel me (do you feel me)
Have you ever loved somebody
So much that you went against the right things that you should do
Then it's time to make a change
So I