For BB...

Sometimes, it takes a big blow to knock some sense and all those familiar emotions back into one's being.. I wish I could turn back time and try to relive the 'moments' between us that I let slip away.. that you didn't fight for.. that I didn't value up until the chance may have passed us by..

Now there are too many variables that we can't just disregard. There are enough choices and options to put Starbucks to shame. It's not fair that all these things have to happen now.. not when my eyes are finally open and I can see a "future" past the friendship that has kept me afloat throughout the years. You're right, you've always been there for me--unconditionally. Was I that guarded that I couldn't see that you were always mine, that I should've just taken hold of you when I could??? Why didn't I listen to the truth when you spoke those words to me? And now I fear that when this storm has passed, you will surely not come out of it unscathed and I will be left with only a semblance of a man I used to know..and the man who loved me completely for everything that was me..

Like I've said, I'm taking myself out of the equation because I know all of this shouldn't have to matter right now. I should be the least of your worries. Be strong and be the man I always knew you to be.. I expect nothing less.. While it may hurt and regardless of the title, I'll be here for you always.. I promise..

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GHOST
Indigo Girls

There's a letter on the desktop
That I dug out of a drawer
The last truce we ever came to
In our adolescent war
And I start to feel the fever
From the warm air through the screen
You come regular like seasons
Shadowing my dreams

And the Mississippi's mighty
But it starts in Minnesota
At a place that you could walk across
With five steps down
And I guess that's how you started
Like a pinprick to my heart
But at this point you rush right through me
And I start to drown

And there's not enough room
In this world for my pain
Signals cross and love gets lost
And time passed makes it plain
Of all my demon spirits
I need you the most
I'm in love with your ghost
I'm in love with your ghost

Dark and dangerous like a secret
That gets whispered in a hush
(Dont tell a soul)
When I wake the things I dreamt about you
Last night make me blush
(Dont tell a soul)
And you kiss me like a lover
Then you sting me like a viper
I go follow to the river
Play your memory like a piper

And I feel it like a sickness
How this love is killing me
I'd walk into the fingers
Of your fire willingly
And dance the edge of sanity
I've never been this close
I'm in love with your ghost

Unknowing captor
You never know how much you
Pierce my spirit
But I cant touch you
Can you hear it
A cry to be free
Oh I'm forever under lock and key
As you pass through me

Now I see your face before me
I would launch a thousand ships
To bring your heart back to my island
As the sand beneath me slips
As I burn up in your presence
And I know now how it feels
To be weakened like Achilles
With you always at my heels

My bitter pill to swallow
Is the silence that I keep
It poisons me I can't swim free
The river is too deep
Though I'm baptized by your touch
I am no worse than most
In love with your ghost

You are shadowing my dreams
(in love with your ghost)

Who's Saving Who?

Who has the right to say or judge if a person needs saving or not? I thought I was over the whole Messiah Complex bit but apparently this is something that is harder to let go off. I don't really know what to do anymore or if I'm at the right state of mind and heart. There are just too many ideals running through my head and I don't know how to come to terms with them. When will things ever fall into place for me? Will somebody come and save me? Cos' I honestly don't think I can keep doing this for too long..

Everybody leaves at one point or another.. whether it's for a good reason or not. Regardless, the people who get left behind always end up getting hurt..

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HOW TO SAVE A LIFE
The Fray

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life

Supah Dupah Lovin'

26 @ Ponti:





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My birthday came and went just like that. Everything else is somewhat back to normal although I feel that I am at a point where I oughta start thinking about the future.. about what it is that I really want to do or what it is that I want to make out of myself. My options are pretty wide and far-reaching but not unobtainable. As with all things in this life, it's just a matter of actually making the decision to go and pursue my dream/ goal. I'm just too scared to.. I don't think I'm ready yet.. I just know that it's time to grow up and move on..

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FRIGHT NIGHT UPDATE:

Haaaaay! Can't this nightmare end already??!!! Give or take 3 more weeks till we're reunited baby.. Hang in there! :,(




*** *** ***

Birthday shoutout to the Cheeeesiest Cutie on the planet! Here's to more "keso" talks. Cheers! :9

SUPER DUPER LOVE
Joss Stone

Yeh are you diggin on me
Yeh yeh yeh
Im diggin on u now baby
Yeh do u wanna little bit of my love
Yeh wait a minute wait a minute

All the time i knew that you loved me
Because you were always there
Could i be that mistaken
Believing that you really care

In the presence of all my friends
You stood there holding my hand
And you promise me faithfully
That you will be my only man

Everytime i walk down the street with you
Im as proud as a girl can be
Just 2 no that u r mine
And all that good loving belongs to me

In the presence of all my friends
You stood there holding my hand
And you promise me faithfully
That you will be my only man

Yeh are you diggin on me
Yeh yeh yeh
Im diggin on u now baby
Yeh do u wanna little bit of my love
Yeh wait a minute play it for my Little Beaver

Yeh are you diggin on me
Yeh yeh yeh
Im diggin on u now baby
Yeh do u wanna little bit of my love
Yeh wait a minute your love is super oh baby
See im trying to tell you
Your love is super duper
Super yes it is yes it is
Your love is
Your love is super
Are you diggin on me coz im diggin on you
Im just trying to tell you
Oh this love is super duper
Wait a minute

Phase 1: Quarter-Life Crisis Complete

So this is what 26 feels like.. Can't quite say it's any different from 25.. The thought of what this year will bring scares the living bejeezus out of me! My only hope is to survive this too.. I need a drink, stat.. :9

*** *** ***

UNWRITTEN
Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten,
Can't read my mind
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning
The pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
Are outside the lines
We've been conditioned
To not make mistakes
But I can't live that way oh, oh