28 September, 2006

Somebody's Playing the Blues Again

The birthday blues officially kick-off today.. I. Am. Positively. Losing, My. Mind. Ang. Tanga. Ko. Shiyet.

*** *** ***
IF YOU'RE MISSING (COME ON HOME)
Bethany Joy Lenz

Here I am
Red high heels
Yellow dress
Perfect nails
Lips like velvet
Don’t you want me, baby?

I’ve been here and back again
It never answers anything
Where was I when they handed out the knowing you are loved?

Don’t it get lonely out there, little darling
Well come on home
I’ll be here with open arms
To hold you
When you arrive
I’ll be here with open arms
To show you
Where you belong
If you’re missing come on home

Been undone
I’ve seen it all
Still somehow I refuse to kick this carnivore to the wall
Traveled here a thousand years
It’s a wonder my heart stills heals and beats and feels
It does anything at all

25 September, 2006

ENOUGH.. please..

I had yet another "interesting" weekend.. but I don't have the mental ability or the right amount of sanity to share the things that transpired. You win some, you lose some. Either way, you leave with a broken heart. It's only September. If this "storm" keeps up, I don't think I'll make it to Christmas..

*** *** ***

HOW TO DEAL WITH LIFE :

To make yourself happy, pursue your passions & be the best of what you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.

Don't date because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.

Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger.

Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough & know better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don't stagnate!

Don't regress.
Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr. Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr. Wrong because your biological clock is ticking.

Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won, only a price to be paid for some of life's more hasty decisions.

To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.

Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.
Be true to yourself.
Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.

Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.

Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.

Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life.
You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.

It isn't true that life does not get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.

Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in God.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!

When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back.
Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give to someone is your time.
Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E because the essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.

20 September, 2006

I Miss My Baby..

When it rains, it definitely pours. I feel like I'm caught up in the eye of the storm. I don't wanna drown..HELP!!!


My Poor Baby..


Making a New Fashion Statement.. I think not..

It's been a week since the accident. Some of the bruises are gone, the swelling in most of my muscles has gone down. It's my third day at work, still under the false pretense that I'm back to normal and that I'm raring to 'work work work' again.. I feel so different. I feel like I've lost a big chunk of who I thought I was. I will never be back to "normal"--whatever the hell normal was--again, not for a long time at least. Karma in this day and age is indeed digital. What goes around comes around as fast as money spewing out of an ATM machine. You punch in the right digits and BAM! Just like that. Sure, I supposedly stood-up for al of womankind that scandalous night but who's dealing with all this crap now?! Certainly not all of womankind.. Just ME, only ME, all-by-lonesome ME.. Haaaay! Ano ba naman klaseng buhay ito???!!!

My blog is my punching bag and had I REALLY and TRULY released all the emotions I've been keeping inside me, I might still be in 1 piece and my car would be sitting in the parking lot outside my office as I type this. If only I could turn back time, I'd go back about a month or two from today..If only..

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BIRTHDAY SHOUTOUTS:

Fifipooh, I love you! I can't wait to hit the beach with you guys so we can celebrate.. Fun Fun Fun! Thank you for all the real love and the true friendship you've given me and shared with me throughout the years. What we have is truly one for the books. What would I have done without you?!! (Jammy, make the arrangements puhleeeeaaase! I need to get out of here and hang on to the little bit of sanity that I have left!)



Brother Bear, I'm still at a loss for words to say.. I hope your birthday was a happy one. Everything will fall into place soon enough.. you'll see! I know you're still around but somehow I feel that you're not quite here anymore. Funny, but I miss you already..

I'm here for you always..Unconditionally..



*** *** ***
FRAGILE
Maria Mena

I've been walking around all day,
Thinking.
I think I have a problem,
I think I think too much.
I've been taught to hold back my tears,
And avoid them.
But you make pain into something I could touch.

I've been walking around all day,
Laughing.
I think I'd be better off without you here.
And I bet you're sweet and hard to get over.
So I'll cry and people will stop and stare.
Now that's okay.
Let them stop and stare.

Cause I am fragile.
I am hopeless.
I'm not perfect.
But I am free.

I've been walking around all day,
Waiting.
And waiting is all I seem to do.
Cause I never get it unless I'm fed it.
But this time i'll just have to.
Yeah this time i'll just have to.

Say you're not around, Am I finished?
If you're not around, thats too bad.
Hope youre safe and sound, not alone now.
Cause you know I believe in you.

I'm still fragile,
I'm still hopeless,
I'm not perfect,
But I am free.

11 September, 2006

Oh the Glory Days..



5-years in a row.. I can't stand it really.. (I'm not saying they didn't deserve it because they have perfected their routine which they have been using year after year after year.. Haven't you got anything new?? Ahh, the bitter pill.. Hehe)

It's been 4 years since I left college and yet, even as I find myself on the bleachers and not on the hardcourt anymore, I still get the same anxiety attacks and I can still feel the energy pulsing through my veins. Haaaaaay! What else is there to say??!! GO TEAM!

**Totally unrelated but Jojo, if you're reading this: YOU BETTER KEEP YOUR PROMISE! I'll see you this week.. Miss you plenty!! :)

08 September, 2006

Just Had to Post This :D

This is one of the funniest e-mails I've ever received.. and it's soooo apt. Enjoy and laugh out loud if you must. Thanks Tagteam Partner Bogart! Your mail made my day :)

For my Bitches, my Girlies, my Chicas and all of Womankind ;)
*** *** ***

PARA SA MGA MAGAGANDA!!!!

Before, hinahabol kita pero di mo ako pinapansin. Tapos isang araw nawala ako, hinanap mo ako at tinanong, "Bakit ka nagsawa?" Ngumiti ako, "Hindi ako nagsawa. Natauhan lang." Pwede mo kong lokohin pero wag kang magpapahuli sakin.
Pwede mo kong palitan pero siguraduhin mong mas mahal mo siya sakin. Pwede mo kong iwan pero siguraduhin mong kaya mo. Kasi pag ako sobrang nasaktan, wala ka nang babalikan.

Ang Boys? Pag trip ka, magpapakilala. Kaibigan kuno hanggang pumorma na.Tapos pag nahulog ka na, ayun, goodbye na dahil sawa na sila. Pero dapat walang iiyak at smile lang tayo. Punyeta, anong silbi ng karma?

I fell in love and got hurt but I didn't shed too much tears nor did I ask him to love me again. Instead, I stood up proudly and said, "Ganyan talaga ang magaganda! Hindi bagay sa tanga!"

Simple lang para hindi ka masaktan. Kapag minahal ka, mahalin mo din. Kapag ginago ka, gaguhin mo rin. Pero kapag umiyak ka, tanga ka! Ginago ka na nga iiyakan mo pa? Pag iniwan ka ng mahal mo, wag mo siyang sisihin! Kausapin mo siya ng harap-harapan at sabihin mong, "Ingat, tanga ka pa naman!"

Masakit pag iniwan ka ng mahal mo. Pero wag kang magagalit ng husto. Kahit papano may pinagsamahan naman kayo, diba?
Kaya for the last time yakapin mo siya at ibulong mo, "Gago, kukulamin kita!"

Girls, talo daw sayo sa mga boys? Papayag kayo? Sige, pag niligawan tayo, sagot agad. Pag iniwan tayo? Ok lang. Kapag
sinabi nilang, "Uy, ex ko." Alam niyo sagot diyan? "Ay, ambisyoso."

If the one you love doesn't love you back, don't get depressed. Just think about it for a while, maybe cry a bit then wipe your tears and say, "Ang weird naman niya. Di siya pumapatol sa magaganda!"

You only got one life so live it well., one heart so take good care, one soul so keep it pure. One boyfriend? What a waste! Make it two or more! Sayang ganda natin! Pag sinabi sayo ng mahal mo na ayaw na niya sayo, hayaan mo lang. Wag kang iiyak at magpapakagago! Imbis na iyakan mo siya, ngitian mo lang at sabihin mo ang ganito, "So, pano? Bye na! Naghihintay na ang kapalit mo!"

Who cares about break-ups? Oo nga, masakit. Makirot sa puso. Pero tandaan mo: a break-up isn't only an end to a
relationship. It's also a beginning of a new one and an end to a living hell called "EX".

04 September, 2006

The GIlligan Scandal

I still can't get over the fact that this weekend happened the way that it did. It's absolutely insane! Had either one of us had celebrity status of some sort, we surely would've been on The Buzz, S-Files and our faces would've been plastered all over the local tabloids. (Kuy, if you're reading this..I hope you know better than to tell Mother Dearest. She will absolutely flip!)

If you've read my last post, you'll see that I promised that those people who crossed will "feel my wrath" and last Saturday, I kept my promise. I woke up Sunday morning (okay, practically Sunday afternoon) asking myself and my bunkmate if everything that happened that night really happened. Unfortunately/Fortunately, Saturday was a living nightmare indeed.

My day started out pretty normal--went to the hospital for a check-up, had my car tuned-up, finally tried a diamond peel, and had a jamming session (yes, we're regrouping and I'm sooo excited! I absolutely miss playing and I think my soon-to-be "bandmates" feel the same way). Then the bombs (yes, plural) started to drop. The "Cat" let everything out of the bag and that gave me enough proof to follow-through on the "Dog". Thursday night stake-out (which I would really raher not talk about) proved to be a fluke but this time, all the pieces fell into place. It was a game of chess and even before the game began we already knew that we were going to win. All the key people that were involved in this mess were placed exactly where they were supposed to be--even Bitch Guru was surprisingly 5 minutes away from where we were.

Jamming to "Bitch" with the house band was as good as saying "Let the games begin" Olympic-style. Suffice to say we created quite a stir along that strip even though we were at the very end, in front of a restaurant which was already closed for the rest of the night. Oh the drama of it all! I was never the "scandalosa"-type but in this case, it was a necessary evil. All the ingredients were there: screaming and shouting, revelation of informants (I'm sorry for revealing your identitites but it had to be done..and for as long as you were telling the truth then nothing they say should affect you), betrayal, lies and more vicious lies, denials, aborted fist-fights, text messages as evidence and even an attempt to break-up the drama that was unfolding by the police. It was a bit scary, standing in front of two very tall thugs (the Cat and the Dog) who have truly earned every right to be called thugs but I stood my ground because I knew that I was right and that I had my "bitches" and the other "boys from the hood" to back me up. I don't want to go into more details because that would be too long a post and while it might be an interesting read, it's one of those things that need a little discretion. But I will say this though: Both my palms sting from giving the "Dog" a piece of my mind--four times over.

That night really proved to be a revelation to me. BITCHES INC. isn't something "pa-cute" that we came up with. It stands for girlfriends who will stand by each other and stick with each other NO MATTER WHAT. These are people who will gladly go into battle with you, damn the consequences. We're no angels but you cross one, you cross us all. I guess the 'Dog" and even the "Cat" didn't realize that they messed with the wrong person, hence messed with the wrong Bitches. Sweet Bitch, you and me always. You know that. Bitch Guru, I would never have known how to fight for myself if I didn't meet you. Ours may be a love-hate relationship because we come from different poles of the universe but I love you and you know that. No questions asked. SOS, i'm there.

Once upon a time, I was indeed a doormat--willingly at some point even but times have indeed changed. I refuse to take any bullshit from anyone lying down. My karma trust fund is already overflowing from my past "investment". I've more than reached my quota.

Our night ended with more drinks at Pier1. Alcohol isn't the answer I know but it sure helped calm my frazzled nerves. I lost two pets but I gained more friends. Welcome Young Bad Bitch--you are no longer in training but read and study the manual carefully. Our two new neos-LilBitch and SlipperyBitch (amusing story-but too long to share): we've got your backs so don't worry. Be strong. We're all in this together. Just stay true, stay loyal. No one will harm you. Iver and Diwata, thank you for being real and for being true. It was your honesty (and yes, I'm sure your concern..hehe) that saved me. Thank you "boys in the hood/resbacks"... We never really hung out together before and I may forget your names sometimes but your concern and the way you stood by us till the end will never be forgotten.. (*Manokky, I know you were down with the bird flu so.. I dunno.. I'd rather not say anything cos you don't actually say anything either..noo-ni-noo-ni-noo..hehe)

I woke up today still wondering if that day really hapened the way that it did. Some of the hurt is starting to pinch but i think I've grown a lot stronger over the past year so this isn't anything I can't handle. It was a crazy weekend indeed and I never imagined I would have the "balls" to do something like this (and I pray that I never find reason to do so again). I'll just chalk this one up to experience and move on.. Things will be as they should be soon enough, I just know it. He will equalize things without me having to lift a finger--although I might just... We'll see.

*** *** ***

GONE
Kelly Clarkson

What you see's not what you get
With you there's just no measurement
No way to tell what's real from what isn't there
Your eyes they sparkle
That's all changed into lies that drop like acid rain
You washed away the best of me
You don't care

You know you did it I'm gone
To find someone to live for in this world
There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight
Just a bridge that I gotta burn
You are wrong
If you think you can walk right through my door
That is just so you
Coming back when I've finally moved on
I'm already gone

Sometimes shattered, never open
Nothing matters when you're broken
That was me whenever I was with you
Always ending, always over
Back and forth, up and down like a rollercoaster
I am breaking that habit today

There is nothing you can say
Sorry doesn't cut it, babe
Take the hint and walk away
'Cause I'm gone
Doesn't matter what you do
It's what you did that's hurting you
All I needed was the truth
Now I'm gone