Ziztah' from Anotha' Motha'

Nna. Nin.Nins. Ninskitot. Bru. Pie. Pieskitot. Vaky. Vaks. Vakster. Vakyness. Dupee. Kupee. Condee...
My Ziz.

There's no explaining how we clicked the way we did on our "first day" together but we simply did. We're similar in a lot of ways-- how we think, how we feel, the things we've been through in the past, the things we're going through now, our taste in clothes, music, weird habits when we were growing-up, etc.. We're wirelessly connected--she knows what I'm thinking just when I'm thinking it and she says words and punchlines aloud at the same time. It's frighteningly weird sometimes but more often than not, insanely funny. Most days I feel that we need a translator to help other people understand our incessant chatter and gibberish.

She's also a lot of things I'm not. She's tougher and stronger when dealing with things and she's more honest and frank than I am. I admire her tenacity and her ability to take people at face value, no questions asked, no judgement. I love how she loves life and how she's not afraid to live it to it's fullest--never compromising the things she believes in and never settling for anything less than what she knows she needs, wants and deserves. Jologs kung jologs pero at least walang kaarte-arte sa katawan. Game sa lahat so hindi mabigat dalhin kahit saan, kahit ano. Siguro sa EQ lang kami magkakatalo. Hahaha... :)

There isn't a day that I'm not grateful that I have a loyal sidekick and someone to be a loyal sidekick to. (ZsaZsa and Didi??!! Isdachuu?!! Hehe) The Pancitan is easier to live and it's been more fun since she joined our seemingly dysfunctionally-functional family. Regardless of what other people might say or feel, she fits right in.

Happy Birthday Ziz! We've said this time and again but know that I've got your back always. Thank you for all the times you've 'saved' me and for all your "Ate-mode"moments that seriously and literally knocked some sense into my head (Eto na nga, umaayos na!). I'm here for you for anything and everything (pwera Math, Science and cold cash) kahit na krung-krung ka talaga minsan. I look forward to more adventures/misadventures with you. Hindi na mapagkakaila-- nagkasala nga si Papa! Alaabshuuu Ziz!!! ;)

Maybe..

Got this email from Ziz.. Hmmmm.. In light of current events, this is good food for thought..
Nobody ever said it would be easy but then again, it might just all be worth it..

*** *** ***
MAYBE

Maybe God wanted us to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Maybe when the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

Maybe the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

Maybe it is true that we don't know what we have got until we lose it, but it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but if it does not, be content it grew in yours.

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you are the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

Pass Me The Scissors

SAMSON
Regina Spektor

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
He ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed
And history books forgot about us and the bible didn't mention us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads
But they're just old light, they're just old light
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson came to my bed
Told me that my hair was red
Told me I was beautiful and came into my bed
Oh I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light
And he told me that I'd done alright
And kissed me 'til the mornin' light, the mornin' light
And he kissed me 'til the mornin' light

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bed
Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down
Yeah we couldn't destroy a single one
And history books forgot about us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first

*** *** ***
Been hearing this song a lot and it's up on the ranks of "Sleeps.." for me.. I have to get into writing gear again. The things I've been churning out seem so shallow and amateur-ish. How depressing! I want to take it up a notch, especially since we're re-grouping or at least in the process of.. July definitely has to be band month.. or I'll die trying! :p

RIBBIT!!! RIBBIT!!!

It's been such a looooong week.. I can't help but feel melancholy hence this emo-post.. KOKAK!!! Pagbigyan nyo na ako please.. Pwera bulalo.. Hehehehe...

WAIT FOR YOU
Elliot Yamin

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you
& I'm wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone,
Girl you could have stayed
but you wouldn't give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more then i can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

So why does your pride make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you wanted to be

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Wait For You Lyrics
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you

It's been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You got me feeling crazy (crazy)
How can you walk away,
Everything stays the same
I just can't do it baby
What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is & it just ain't like that
Why can't you look at me, your still in love with me
Don't leave me crying.

Baby why can't we just start over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But your telling me it wont be enough

So why does you pride make you run & hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what your keeping inside
Thats not how you wanted to be

I'll Be Waiting

Tongue in Cheek

"There are only the pursued, the pursuing, the busy and the tired.."
- F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

It's been three friggin' weeks and I haven't gotten any real sleep (even when I'm aided by 'friends'). On average, I'm currently at three hours a day. If I'm lucky, I can go up to four hours. I cam't seem to fall asleep hence, waking up in time for work has grown more tedious. I. AM. SO. GODDAMN. TIRED.

Maybe I'm not dealing with my grief and with the other things in my life the right way-- is there even such a thing?!! I don't think I know what I'm doing half the time. I'm one of those old school zombies (not the 28 Weeks Later sort which is unfortunate in this case and this case alone) -- tripping over my own feet, bruising and scratching my appendages and bumping into inanimate objects. My limbs are crying out for a really good massage (or a really good solid hug)--which I don't seem to have the time for. I am literally sleepwalking ang talking through each and every day-- especially here at the Pancitan. I've been moving around like a space cadet, treading lightly, floating by with no gravity to pull me back down. I'm here but not really. I think I might actually be losing my mind.. Magaling lang yata talaga ako magdala..That's just peachy-keen. Really.

I'm working on a new project with a new client. It's a bit demanding and the pressure is definitely on. I'm multi-tasking yet again but I'm not exactly complaining because projects--no matter how big or small-- continue to come in and each brings new and "higher" learning. There's always something different for me to do so it's all good. Plus the team I'm working with is cool. We're working directly with client so in a way, we're a bit more relaxed although we carry a lot more responsibility--I'm scared shitless really but Go Team! Bingo Bonanza! (I promise to at least try to ensure that our next shoot doesn't land on a holiday or a long weekend.. especially your birthday okay JenFajPan??!! Hehehe)

It's been a rather busy but very interesting day today. I had the odd job of presenting in front of a panel of "judges" and in a span of maybe 10 minutes, got both boards approved. Wooosaah!!! I take no credit whatsoever because I was fed with most of the "answers" but it puts me on such a high. In every project, there's always a first and I guess I should just be thankful for the experience. Thank goodness I had 'back-up'. It added to the pressure of having to fake knowing what I was doing but all's well that ends well. Funny though bcause just when I was beginning to think that finally, the universe isn't conspiring against me, I find that I may have spoken too soon. Haaaaaay! Talo ko pa adik na nagpakasabog sa uppers sabay tumira at nag-OD sa downers. Bawal lang yata talaga akong maging masaya. Nakampuchang buhay to'!!!! I keep forgetting that I may actually be somebody who's not equipped for these things. (See Partner, I never really abandoned ship. I just took a swim out in the ocean cos' it was warm and the water looked so appealing..but I'm back right where we were always meant to be..) I oughta stop saying things out loud lest the universe realizes it skipped me on its "Who-to-Mess-up Today" List Ugh!

So that pretty much covers the 'busy' and the 'tired' part. As for being pursued and pursuing.. I don't know really. I've learned to level my expectations or if anything, to not expect anything from anyone anymore. Taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture and accepting that sometimes things just don't go the way you want them to or you thought they'd go can be very liberating. I'm trying to just take things as they come and only on the surface-level--no more analyzing, no over-thinking, no emo-rollercoaster rides, no unneccessary movement/action. no promises, no strings attached.

*** *** ***
Everybody needs a little help sometimes.. I'm calling out to the universe.. Please give me a break.. I don't know how long I can keep this up... I'm sinking quickly.. I need to come up for air..

I Can't Do This
Plumb

I woke up late.
Guess I'm never really early.
I hesitate,
Only to fail.
I get so tired
Of procrastinating.
I need a change.

I can't do this.
I can't do this by myself.
I can't do this.
Oh God, I need your help.

I'm standing still,
Moved so peaceful.
I can't pretend
That I'm fine.
I get so ill,
Crazy, agitated
When I'm not really dying.

Press into me.
Breathe the air.
Bask in me.
You'll be free
To do anything.