More Statements...

Still more statements...

• "God gave alcohol as a social lubricant to make men brave and women loose"
• "Sa lahat ng nagmamahal nang pasaway, good luck nalang.."
• "Hawak kamay lang..."
• "Iba talaga pag sabon... Mabula!!!"
• 'I'm all out of love... I'm so lost without you..."
• "Salamat sa pag-aksaya ng panahon namin..."
• "It took the great people in this industry years to get to where they're at now, not on pure skill alone but with heart and humility..."
• "Pancit nanaman??!!"
  

*** *** ***
I'm soooo tired... This has been a purely carbo-loading week (read: madami nanaman nag-order ng pancit!) I'm not complaining really. I'm just tired- that's all really. I'm not more tired than anybody nor am I busier than anyone else... I'm just plain tired. I need to breathe but I can't. If I stop spinning, I'm gonna fall apart. I keep wishing for something.. for someone.. for anything.. I want to--at the very least--find a reason to smile even as I swim and drink in this pool of madness. Maybe there really are some people who aren't equipped to be happy. (Yes, Manok. I'm talking about you and me here...)

*** *** ***
If you're gonna go, please just leave.. Do it quickly and as painless as possible. Don't think twice. Just go, I won't stop you. But if you want to stay, you're welcome to. I want you to. Don't do it in sporadic bursts that leave me breathless one minute but lost and drowning the next. I don't know how to deal with you. I can't have this hallucination eating me up each and every day. I won't have myself hanging onto each and every word you say, waiting stupidly for your next move. Save me or Spare me. It's that simple.

The Weakness in Me
Keisha White

I'm not the sort of person who falls
In and quickly out of love
But to you I gave my affection
Right from the start

If I have a lover who loves me
How could I break such a heart
Yet you still get my attention
Right from the start

Why do you come here
When you know I've got troubles enough
Why do you call me
When you know I can't answer the phone

(You) Make me lie
When I don't want to
And make someone else
Some kinda unknowing fool
You make me stay
When I should not
Are you so strong
Or is the weakness in me

Why do you come here
And pretend to be just passing by
When I need to see you
And I need to hold you tightly

Feeling guilty, worried
Waking from tormented sleep
This old love has me bound
But the new love cuts deep

If I choose now, I'll lose out
Coz' one of us has to fall
I need you
And you aren't here

STATEMENTS

I've heard/seen/read some of the oddest and funniest things this week. I can't quite decide though if these are the things that are keeping me sane or driving me insane :

• Ang para kay Juan ay tanging kay Juan lamang at hindi maaaring kunin ni Pedro kailanman ngunit ang kay Pedro, maaring kay Juan parin. (May tawag dito.. 1-word.. Go!!! Hula-hoop!)
• Mas madaling hulihin ang manok na nakatali.
• Jigs to someone and quoted by Partner: "Kalimutan mo na sya. Hindi ka naman kapangitan... Makakahanap karin ng kapalit nun."
• Heard on radio, the topic was 'Things You Shouldn't Say to Ugly People': "At sino naman nagsabi sayo na pangit ka??!! In fairness, honest sya..."
• "Wagadush si Papa"
• V's for Peace (Don't forget to send some over Becky!! Hehe)
• "Surreal..."
• Occupation: "Parausan ng mga latak ng lipunan.."
  

*** *** ***
Birthday shoutouts:

Belated Happy Birthday Jojo!! If you really can't stop spending your money on pokkers, please remember to BE SAFE!!! Jooooooke! Miss na kita--which is why I'm not calling you on your stalker instinct anymore.. At least I know that you're still there for me even if you're miles away because you bother to check my multiply.. my friendster.. my blog.. Ano pa ba??!! Either you sincerely give a damn or chismoso ka lang talaga! Hehehe.. Amishuu!! :D




Kurly K! It's a working birthday for you--all the way in Bacolod! Sad.. but we'll make up for it next week at your birthday bash thrown by your "super cute boyfriend who likes to celebrate birthdays.." Fif and I have to go hat-hunting! Stress!!! Hehe :D Te amo mucho chica bonita!




Lancey--formerly known as Wingman1.. Happy Birthday! Yes, happiness all over is still the key to everything. May the "New Lancer/Lancer Evolution" last far longer than what we're all betting--hehe, joke lang! Sign-up na for the refresher! Meanwhile, go drink and make merry! Ponti? W135? Brazil? Hahahaha :) We have to celebrate--dali! Habang wala pang mga schedule. I don't wanna disappear from the social planet again! :p




*** *** ***

Met up with my fave girlies last night and like always, we had a blast. It's always such a relief to be around people you can just be yourself with--no masks, all guards down, pure unadulterated and uncensored sharing, no fear of being judged for your actions. I think that's why we've lasted this long together and maybe this is also why, even if we haven't seen each other for a long period of time, the foundation we've built remains strong and our connection is in tact. (I just realized that we don't have an updated picture (this was from our last 'purging' sessionlast year I think--that's how long you've been gone Jammy! Fif and I aren't tampo anymore though..Loved the rose, love you more!)

*** *** ***
Oddly, no theme song for this post.. My mind's just not where it's supposed to be..

And That Makes Two..

It was only yesterday that I realized that I managed to overlook my blog-niversary. As of March 4th of this year, I have been officially blogging for 2 whole years. Yes, 2 years of whining, bitching , of sharing my insanity with the techno-universe...

*** *** ***
I meant to blog last Monday about my happy weekend exept I didn't exactly get around to it with all the things that have been going on here at the Pancitan. We celebrated my Lolo's 79th birthday at Mum's place and we were almost shockingly complete--just minus 1 Tito, 1 cousin, 1 girlfriend and 1 boyfriend (obviously not mine so don't bother asking!). I think our last get-together was last New Year. We were our normal noisy, funny and crazy selves so the house felt so alive. Dimsum (my furry baby brother) could barely contain himself from the excitement of being around so many people.

The "party" almost didn't push through because of some conflict but we managed to pull things together. The food was great as always but it was the bonding that made the last minute/overnight preparations well-worth it. I just felt that it was important to celebrate his birthday at this point in his life when his health isn't too good and when his lapses in memory come a little too often for my liking. My Dad recommended that they have him checked for Alzheimer's but I guess Mum and my Titas just feel that it's unnecessary since there's no real cure for it and because they're somewhat prepared for what may come in the future. They laugh when they share odd stories of his lapses and "hallucinations" but I know deep down, it hurts them to see him like that, especially when he doesn't recognize them. It was just perfect that he was quite lucid last Sunday. I'm still waiting for the pictures from my cousin so I can't quite share these moments the way I really want to.

Sunday was really one of the most family-centric days I've ever had. It was a time of healing, of mending past hurts, of accepting the things that have happened and of recognizing how this has moulded us into the persons that we have come to be. Admittedly, mine (my immediate family) depicts dysfunctionality at it's finest with my parents, as well as my siblings and I, having different home addresses to start with but I think that what we have is more special and much stronger than what "normal" families have. It was only then that I realized that we've been having these regular Sunday family lunches or dinners for the past two years. I am a highly emotional person so it's no surprise that the words that I heard that night brought tears to my eyes. I recognize how difficult it must've been for those who spoke--I, although being the most outspoken person in our family, decided to remain silent-- and I appreciate it more than they could ever know. A huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders and I think I honestly feel that the healing in my life has truly begun. This might actually be a really good year for me, for us.. Although I can only hope, wish and pray...

*** *** ***
Ironically, coming at the heels of this is the passing of my friend B.Li's dad--days before his birthday even. Good thing it was such a busy day that I wasn't able to greet him. It pains me and it scares me in ways I cannot even begin to describe--with my Dad being sick and all. Our other Mafia friends say that he's okay because they expected it and that his Dad was in one sense, happy. I still feel that a loss is still a loss and it's a given that he's not entirely okay about all of this. While my Dad's been sick for awhile and we all know that it will inevitably get ugly, there's still no "Idiot's Guide on How to Prep for Losing a Parent" out in the market.

Apart from dealing with these grave matters, he apparently has the option to get married within 100 days from the time of his Dad's burial to his long-time girlfriend but it has to be a very small and simple wedding because essentially, they should still be in mourning. I don't really understand these things but it's one of those Chinese traditions that most of them seem familiar with. Either that or they wait another 2 years before tying the knot. He asked for 30 days to decide. After which, I think the whole Mafia will be running around the metro to help them make this wedding happen if they decide to make a "go" of it.

*** *** ***
Things at the Pancitan are crazier than usual. My "To Do" List seems to expand by the millisecond but I'm taking time out to blog and breathe. Otherwise, I think I might just lose it. People have been telling me that I look harassed or stressed or tired or haggard--and I'm sadly not just talking about one or two people here. All of which are relatively synonymous to "ugly" except my friends are maybe too kind. The first quarter of 2007 isn't even over yet! Uuugghh!! Someone (ahem.. if you're reading this, I want you to know that I think you're really MEAN!! hehe) even commented that the Pancitan isn't doing my sense pf humor any good because my jokes/comments are becoming weak or lame. So now, I feel ugly and I'm suffering from the loss of my prized wit and "charm".. Geddemit! I think I need to... or something... Hahahaha :9

*** *** ***
Could this post be any longer??!! (Escapism! Hehe..) It ends here I promise. This is because I don't get YOU and because you're driving me mad! Obviously, there's a reason why you're (still) where you're at and not where I want you to be. I hear different voices singing different parts of this song. I'm hating it..absolutely..

LOVING YOU
Paolo Nutini

Back off loneliness and hello tenderness
I've been waiting for your call for so long
And it must've been hard just to follow your soul
To stick to the road that your heart wants you to go
And as you slide through the door
With your morals on your sleeve
And i think its time for all those morals to leave
So let's get down and freaky baby
Let's get restless baby
C'mon get crazy with me

And I said when your loving me
I'm loving you and I love your prowess
And the things that you do
And it's your flawless soul that bleeds my stone
And when your loving me, I'm loving you
And that's when we've got it goin' on

So many people think we've got it wrong
They try to break us but we wont play along
So let;s get down and dirty baby,
Let;s get restless baby

And I was so stranded and I was lost and abandoned
And I needed another home and you fly in my arms
You fly right into my arms

dizzying stillness

I haven't blogged in a bit. I haven't really had the time to plus I haven't been in the right state to organize my thoughts into phrases and sentences that would seem coherent to whoever takes time out to swim in my thoughts.

As always, things at the Pancitan have been crazy with different deadlines to meet and with a variety of characters to deal with. I feel so tired and so drained. Every day, I have to drag myself out of bed and drive to the office. Traffic is hell and parking is a bitch if you happen to come a few seconds too late!

I've overdrawn my "happy thoughts" bank account so getting through the day in one piece has become such a chore. I recently made a few "deposits" but with the relatively "low interest rate", it doesn't really count for much. (Am I talking in Greek here?!) Isa lang itong guni-guni.. Kailangan ko nang magising..

The things that have happened in the few weeks have left me in a tailspin. I am currently enrolled in the Eskimo Academy, trying to finish with a Masters degree in the Art of being Deadma but sadly--even being the OC overachiever that I am-- this is one course that I will most definitely fail. I am human. I breathe. I think. I feel. That is one thing that will never change and I am grateful.

I know that more often than not I tend to over-think and over-analyze things but at least there are forces in my environment that literally knock me back to my senses and drag me back to reality. (Thanks Ziz and Partner, even if you sometimes use brute force! Hahaha)

*** *** ***
In other news, G-girl and Kuya Kar are engaged!!! Woohoooo!!! It seems that the recurring theme for 2007 has to do with weddings. Uuuggghh!!! But I am genuinely happy for them. This engagement was 8 years in the making and I was there (as the Spy, hehehe) when it all started at the Unibersidad. I'd post pictures except we used Fifi's camera that night so I guess it'll be a few years before we see them.. (UPLOAD Fif!!! Pleeeeaaasssee!!)

I wish you both luck, love and truckloads of kids! That should be fun! We've got a wedding to plan! Wheeeeee! :P

*** *** ***
Still more news:
Our friend Noelle is part of the Pinay expedition to Everest. Cool really but I'm scared for her. My only wish is that she keeps her promise to us--> to come back (and with 10 fingers and 10 toes). Good luck Noey!!!

I was at her send-off party last night with the Chicas and other Goldy-girls, after a long and crazy day--booknotes version: my car died in the middle of the street but oddly enough, right in front of an auto supply shop. God bless the soul of Jeff and the traffic enforcer that helped me. It was such a relief to be around friends when the madness subsides. Good Times, Good Friends.. :D

*** *** ***
Daming news!!!

My Partner is going to Pattaya as the country representative for her shortfilm "Taxi" at the Adfest. None of us realized how big this event was actually gonna be but if anyone deserves it, it's gotta be her.

I know you don't believe much in yourself and in the things that you can do (parang mali sabihin to..??) but, we all do. Go for gold na ito Mars! I'll be rooting for you even as I wither here lonesomely at the Pancitan. Alagaan mo sya Ziz!! Uwi kayo agad! Pasalubong ko!!! :D

*** *** ***
This song has been on repeat in my head. Hence, my blog should be in on it too.

TULAK NG BIBIG, KABIG NG DIBDIB
Julianne

Tulak ng bibig, kabig ng dibdib

Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko sa iyo
Paikot-ikot lang,
Nalilito, ba’t gan’to?
Pag-gising sa umaga ikaw ang nasa isip
Pagtulog sa gabi, laman ng panaginip
Mahal ba kita?
O ano? Ewan ko

Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko sa iyo
Simula nang makilala
Di na maipinta ngiti sa mata
Magdamag ang kwentuhan, kulitan, tawanan
Di ko maintindihan
Bakit ngayon lang
Kung kelan ang puso ko ay maselan

Hindi mo lang alam
Takot lang akong masaktan
Iniingatan lang aking puso
Kung maibibigay ko lang ang sinasabi mo
Di na sana tayo magkakaganito
Pasensya ka na kung hanggang dito na muna tayo

Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko sa iyo
Paikot-ikot lang
Nalilito, ba’t gan’to?
Urong-sulong yan ang paborito
Lilitaw, lulubog tanong mo kahit sino
Pakisabi nalang
Ano ba talaga ang gusto mong gawin ko?

Pakiusap lang
Wag mo nga akong tingnan ng ganyan
Nakakatunaw ang iyong tingin
Hinay-hinay ka lang
Mahina ang lkalaban
Baka di na maiwasan
Mahulog ng tuluyan

Hindi mo lang alam
Takot lang akong masaktan
Iniingatan lang aking puso
Kung maibibigay ko lang ang sinasabi mo
Di na sana tayo magkakagulo-gulo
Pasensya ka na kung hanggang dito na muna tayo

Hanggang dito nalang..

Tulak ng bibig, kabig ng dibdib..