31 January, 2007

See You Soon...

Photograph by my Tagteam Partner

I need a break! Please let everything fall into place... I'm in dire need of a tan! :)

29 January, 2007

I'm Sorry...

. . . I'm still in shock
. . . I'm not emotionally equipped to handle this
. . . I feel at a loss for words to say to you
. . . I cried inconsolably on your couch
. . . I called you self-absorbed
. . . I'm being self-absorbed too
. . . I can't explain why all of this hurts me so
. . . I didn't reach out to you and say things will be okay before leaving
. . . I couldn't jump into this with both feet in
. . . I had my doubts--I still do
. . . I said I regretted things because I don't
. . . I said things in the past to make you think twice about telling me the truth
. . . I expected a "happy ending"--whatever the hell that is these days
. . . I didn't believe that your feelings for me still remain true after I learned the truth
. . . I might actually be skeptical about it still
. . . I couldn't tell you I love you too when we had that "moment"
. . . I still can't because I honestly don't know--not then and definitely not now
. . . I wasn't the "remedy" you had hoped I would be
. . . You felt I didn't understand you because I do
. . . You thought I didn't accept any or all of this because I do
. . . You're a mess now--let me help you, please

. . . I'm Sorry . . .


*** *** ***

LOVE'S DIVINE
Seal

Then the rainstorm came, over me
And I felt my spirit break
I had lost all of my, belief you see
And realized my mistake
But time threw a prayer, to me
And all around me became still

I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Through the rainstorm came sanctuary
And I felt my spirit fly
I had found all of my reality
I realize what it takes

Oh I don't bend, don't break
Show me how to live and promise me you won't forsake
'Cause love can help me know my name

Well I try to say there's nothing wrong
But inside I felt me lying all along
But the message here was plain to see
Believe me

Love can help me know my name

17 January, 2007

Well Well Well...

Bokbok pulled a fast one on all of us. I'm in shock! (Sorry Bitch, she beat you to it. Guess you won't be the first among us after all...) She has always been the level-headed one, the Ms. Analyze This. For her to jump into something as serious as this, has really got me thinking. And while I am not not too keen on lovebirds these days (ah, the bitter pill), I must say that I am genuinely happy that she found the One. Maybe you're the sign that I've been looking for. There may be hope for me yet...

Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Dynamite Camua (did I get this right?! I find myself oddly propelled to say "boom goes.." hehehe)! I wish you love and marital bliss forever and ever! I miss you hanehbunch! Come home as soon as you can so you can fill us in on the erm--little details.. I love you mucho! (even if I'm jealously hating how happy you look! hehe)




*** *** ***

IDOL is back! I refrained from watching the last run because work was trying to kill me and just because it didn't bring pleasant memories but maybe I'll find the time to watch it again this season..

15 January, 2007

A Silent Plea

I'm throwing this out to the universe: I WANT YOU.

Don't ask me when or why or how... I know I shouldn't, but I do. I hate that you're being dangled right in front of me, well within my reach but completely untouchable. Yet again, the universe is conspiring against me... (sigh)...

*** *** ***

ONE WAY OR ANOTHER
Blondie

One way or another I'm gonna find you
I'm gonna get you
One way or another I'm gonna win you
I'm gonna get you
One way or another I'm gonna see you
I'm gonna meet you
One day, maybe next week
I'm gonna meet you, I'll meet you
I will drive past your house
And if the lights are all down
I'll see who's around

And if the lights are all out
I'll follow your bus downtown
See who's hanging out

One way or another I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna give you the slip, a slip of the lip or another
I'm gonna lose you, I'm gonna trick you
One way or another I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna trick you
One way or another I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna give you the slip

I'll walk down the mall
Stand over by the wall
Where I can see it all
Find out who you call
Lead you to the supermarket checkout
Some specials and rat food, get lost in the crowd

One way or another I'm gonna get you
(Where I can see it all, find out who you call)

10 January, 2007

Happy Fuggin' New Year

... and this is the new year.

2007 has barely kicked-off and already I'm on a brand-new rollercoaster ride. It's been a crazy blur since day 1. Even as I was desperately trying to relish the last few hours of the holiday break, I was glued to my phone making calls and sending out messages coordinating things for the busy days ahead.

On day 1, I had to say goodbye to my last Wingman. Although we lost touch for a bit sometime last year, I still can't begin to thank him for everything he's done for me and everything he's been to me. I miss you already Jojo. Who's going to save me now? :,(





*** *** ***
I had dinner at Haiku with college friends last week. I think we only get to see each other everytime Pilar is in town or if I celebrate my birthday. (Where on earth are you Carmencita?!) It's great to catch up with old friends because it really brings me back to a time when things were simpler or at the very least, less complicated. It's good to see that all our lives are somewhat on track and we're all doing okay. I just can't imaging my four years in UP without these girls.

Another thing that I've come to realize is that Manila has definitely gone skinny--Auuggh! I swear, every single that passed by must have been a size 0 or negative. It's so frustrating and harder even when I'm surrounded by similarly skinny friends(damn you bitches, haha!). While I'm currently shifting back and forth from a 0 to 2, I still find myself sadly yearning to be reed-thin and borderline-anorexic like them.

I hung out with the Slut that and the Bitch at Ankie's for a few rounds afterwards. Ankie's is a tiny haunt near my place. I've never been there before until that night. It seems like a good place to hang--cheap booze and yummy barchow. We shared our 'unfiltered' stories and had a good laugh about the crazy mishaps we've been through--the Bitch's embarrassing stories, the Slut's work adventures and of course, my poor choice in men (we definitely had a good laugh about that bit).

*** *** ***
Work's still crazy and the people are crazier. I'm trying real hard to keep my tongue -in-cheek and I'm finding it extremely difficult to keep my patented sarcasm in check. Pakikisama they call it. I beg to disagree but I'm not about to launch into an all-out rantfest about this. Frankly, I don't have the energy right now. While I whine a lot, I am very grateful for this opportunity. The stress might actually pay-off in the end. Patience is the key.

*** *** ***

Saw my fave psychic over the weekend and she gave me some interesting insights on what 2007 may bring for me. Some are pretty mind-blowing and has got me paranoid over soem things. Some, I'd rather not talk about it but I promise to update everybody in June should she be right. Goodgaawd, the anticipation of things to come might actually cause me more damage than good! I feel so paranoid! :p

*** *** ***

2007 has barely started and already I've done something stupid. Gaaawwd! (cue me: smacking my hand on my forehead) I really need to break this bad habit before my troubles run deeper than they already are.

MISTAKE #3
Culture Club

You can't bystand all the people
Stand them on their own
They will fall to pieces
So we watch them grow
Into strange and pretty faces
I don't know
Clutching to my lipstick traces
Watch them go

Make mistake number three
Make mistake number three
Make mistake number three

It's strange how much it changes
How they want to know
How cynical are people
That's where children go

Dragged into a conversation
They can't hold
It's so sad
But it prepares them for the mould

Why is my love like an ocean run dry?
Why is my love
Such a struggle with life?

You can't bystand all the people
Stand them on their own
They will fall into pieces
So we watch them grow

Make mistake number three