Anak ng...

ANOBUZZ??!!! Yun lang!!!

Big Brother House

In a few hours I will be entering my very own Bahay ni Kuya (Jess). I still can't believe that they actually elected me to stand as Vice-rector for this special batch. I may just be putting too much weight on this "role" or I'm probably just deluding myself into thinking that this "title" bears a lot of responsibility.

The bottomline is.. I'm scared.. Sh*tless really. I don't think I deserve to be in His house (among other things I feel I don't deserve), much less tend to His "flock". Kel and Mhadz have been great. They haven't given me too many things to do so I can't help but feel somewhat worthless. I doubt I've been of much help to them but they wouldn't let me beg off either. Ugh! I just hope that things work out the way they're supposed to and all the things that we need will be covered somehow.

What scares me most I think is the fact that I haven't spoken to Him in awhile. I'd say "Hi.." sometimes but I've been nowhere as near as I will be when Days starts. He obviously knows that I need Him now more than ever. I pray that I come out of the house on Sunday with some semblance of clarity, with a real purpose, with a more definite direction, with a decision/ an honest choice and with the strength to (re-) live my fourth day the way I should've been living it. Good luck nalang talaga!

Flying Away

There are days when I just want to fly away and vanish from the face of this earth.. This is one of those days..

This has always been "my song".. especially on the rare occasions that I am able to get up in front of a crowd to sing.. I'm singing now, even if only in my daydreams..

How Do I Breathe?

Just when I thought the universe has finally stopped conspiring against me, I managed to yet again turn what would've been a simple, quiet and normal life upside-down. Do these things happen to other people as well or am I really unlucky this way??!!! I honestly can't keep on doing this.. I can only survive so much... My stupidity might be the death of me...

Cinderella

Pag-patak ng alas dose, dalawampu't pitong taon na akong naninirihan sa mundong ibabaw. Parang ayoko na ata.. P@ksh*t!!!

*Nakakapanibago man ang pag-gamit ko ng Tagalog, pakiramdam ko lang na tanging sa ganitong paraan ko lang tunay na maipahihiwatig ang aking saloobin at nararamdaman sa kasalukuyan..
*Para kay Tagteam partner: Tinuturan din kami managalog sa Poveda, pramis! Hehehe :)

A Change is Gonna Come

I just watched the pilot episode of Grey's Anatomy Season 4.. WTF??!!! Seriously!!!

I'm not gonna launch into a play by play lest I ruin it for other people but I just love/hate how uncannily real this show feels sometimes. Change is always inevitable. Some people are just better equipped to deal with them, others are better at faking it. Me... I think I'm just "fine"...

Waiting for the Tooth Fairy

After months and months of putting it off, I finally went to see the dentist yesterday and as expected, I needed to have a tooth extracted. Actually, I need to have 5 more extracted but I'm going to schedule the trauma from that experience at a time when I'm more emotionally prepared. Kudos to my new dentist cos it didn't hurt much. I'm just in a really foul mood now because my gum's bleeding still and I've been hungry for 2 days!!! I stupidly put off breakfast and lunch before seeing the dentist and obviously, I couldn't eat anything after the extraction so you can just imagine how HUNGRY I am! I never thought that having to eat ice cream would ever make me sad. It's really depressing.. This is so NOT the perfect remedy for the birthday blues.. :-(

Oddly so, I managed to ge a smoke in before heading up to the dentist's office. (Yes, my priorities are warped-- OBVIOUSLY!!!) I was standing in front of the chapel but I could no for the life of me bring myself to just go inside and talk to Him. It's been awhile.. I sucked on my 'last cigarette' watching people go in and out of the chapel, with no hesitations, no second thoughts. I wonder how faith seems so easy, so natural for them and why it seems so hard for me..

I'm probably not making any real sense.. Hunger makes the mind go wilder! Somebody help me! :-(